This blog has been moved to www.moongazing4beginners.blogspot.com

The scent of literature is in the air.

Well, I am really doing it this year, there is nothing to hinder me this time. I am participating in NaNoWriMo.

National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org) is a misleading title, because it isn’t national, it spans the whole world. Every November thousands of people sit down to their laptops or notebooks and endure the most exquisitely pleasurable form of self-torture in the form of 50,000 words in one month.

I tried is last year but fell short because the odds were stacked against me. I was in school, for one thing, which sucked up all of my energy. I was rehearsing for The Miser which exhausted my creative well. I only had my shady desktop that occasionally got tired and took an unannounced naps and a composition notebook. This year I have more free time, no outstanding creative endeavors, and my sleek sexy new laptop. Things are going to go smoothly. I know it is still only September but I am so excited. I just can’t wait to get started.

In preparation so far I have bought a laptop case (to make the operation mobile) and dug up all my writing books and other books that inspire me. I am going to start a writing exercise regimen for ‘training.’ And compiled a playlist that fits the mood of my premise.

Once the Nano website is out of lockdown I will put a button on my blog showing my progress.

In the Night Kitchen

This is the light of the mind, cold and planetary.

-Sylvia Plath

It is exactly 5 am right now. I am having troubles getting to sleep and so retreated to my laptop. I am sitting on the uncomfortable couch and the window is wide open. It just stopped raining outside and when the cars drive by they make that sticky, wet pavement sound. I love the rain. Today at work it was hell to go outside, it was more than just heat, it was heaviness. Everyone knew it would rain later, but then it was just heat and a sick brown sky. I am cold now, i’m hoping that freezing myself in the living room will make the warm bed more inviting and likely to lull me to sleep.

They say that the trick to getting to sleep when you have insomnia is to give up on sleep that night. Resolve yourself to just pull an all night-er. They tell you to get up, walk around, watch TV, make a snack, or whatever. Eventually you will get tired out and fall asleep. So that’s what i’m doing…..

—

I think it is weird that I have always considered myself a morning person. Philosophically mornings are much more inspiring to me than sunsets, but when I think of the rare times when I have had insomnia and not stressed out about it, I do quite well at night. I enjoy writing alone in the dark because I am a privacy whore. I HATE it when people look over my shoulder at my screen. It’s not like I am looking at porn or anything, it just makes me antsy. What better time to get on the laptop than in the dead of night all alone in the dark?

Another good thing about nighttime is that you can really hear the train from here at night. During the day it is buried under the sounds of the road I live on, but at night it’s as if the tracks were only a block away. I like to think about what the train is carrying, where it’s going, and all the places it’s been.

Another thing I like about the night is that even a messy house looks pretty by moonlight, and the features of my lover, which I know so well, get those mysterious shadows in the moon’s glow. It’s times like these where I hear music on the wind, in the sound of cars driving by, in the hum of a refrigerator. In the dead of night everything is holy. Nothing is mundane. Life is eons away.

Friday Linkage

My second installment of friday linkage. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. As for me, i’ll be working. Oh well.

http://www.spacesounds.com/home/index.html Listen to Space. Seriously.

http://www.ilovephilosophy.com/phpbb/index.php Awesome message board for smartie pantses.

http://www.volconvo.com/forums/ Another message board, but this one is for debaters.

http://olde-fashioned.livejournal.com/ I love this blog. She makes such pretty icons and loves the same authors as me.

I’ll Never Let Go.

The truth of the matter is that I feel pretty down right now. I attribute this to the fact that my apartment is always a mess and I can never seem to keep up with it. I’d like to say that it is all the boy’s fault, but it’s not. It is almost the equinox and thus will begin the dark half of the year. My bright outlook on life draining out and with it goes my energy. I slept until 1:30 in the afternoon today. I was going to clean but instead I sat on my but and wasted my day away in front of the TV.

In Wiccan thought, it is said that winter is a time of reflection and inner searching. I think that the fear of this is at the root of my problem with Winter. To quote Plath: “If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad.” And even as I think about this now (as I write my posts serendipitously, there is no planning. There is rarely revision.) it makes more and more sense. Writing is a safer way of reflection than mere thought, but it is essentially the same. Writing often accompanies trauma in my life, it both augments my pain and relieves it in a way that I cant describe. It is when I stop writing that I am overcome. last year I didn’t write at all from just before Christmas until I was admitted in March and forced to write as a part of my therapy.  I am trying to think of a good analogy…writing is a wooden board filled with nails. It will keep you afloat in an ocean, but it hurts like hell to lay on it.

This winter, I would rather have a few puncture wounds than drown.

So I’ll need your help. If I disappear from How To Smile e-mail me and nag me and make me write whether I want to or not.

Friday linkage

Because we all need another reason to look forward to Fridays (is there an emoticon for “scoff”?) I recently signed up with StumbleUpon and it is AMAZING. Essentially what you do is choose what interests you from a huge list of topics, then you download the toolbar and whenever you click on the SU button it takes you to a random page that is about one of your interests. It’s really great and has widdled away many hours for me already.

I have discovered so many cool websites that I want to add a new series to my blog, every Friday I will post links to the coolest websites I have found that week. I hope you find them all as interesting as I do. =]

http://www.microrevolt.org/knitPro/index.php Turn ANY image into a chart for needlepoint or knitting for free.

http://www.thespiritofwater.com/blessingcarddeck.htm An online oracle of sorts. I use it every morning for topics for meditation throughout the day.

http://www.gutenberg.org Why have I not heard of this before? Complete online versions of thousands of books for FREE. I’ve already saved money, i was going to buy Pride and Prejudice, instead I went to this site on my cell phone and now I can read it on the go for free.

http://bookmooch.com/ I haven’t tried this yet, but it seems cool. It’s basically a huge book swap.

http://www.oneword.com/ They give you one word and one minute. Write as much as you can in that time.

Bienvenue!

Wow, it has been a long time. As you can probably tell by my proper capitalization (I have no idea why my cell phone capitalizes everything I type…) that I finally have internet set up in my new apartment.

I don’t really have a deep and poignant post planned for today, just wanted to get on and say that I am back and everything is fine. Sans internet I have been delving deeper into needlework. Yes, i realize that I am a pansy girl. I got a package from my Grandma filled with old embroidery floss and books. Much of it was given to her by her grandmother. They smell of a library. When I work with them I feel like I am connected to my ancestors. I think about if they got frustrated with knots and if they ever wanted to throw their project out the window and never think about it again. I think about how they felt when they were doing the finishing touches on a design. Were they as silly and giddy as me when they stitched their last stitch? Did they run immediately to go show anyone who would look what they had created?

I think they did. I’m pretty sure it’s universal.

I even got Hubby to start a tiny pineapple project. His stitches are very good. He says he has no small motor skills, but he lies.

lets try this again

I Tried To Make A Mobile Post Yesterday But I Dont Think It Worked So I An Trying Again. Basically I Got Into My New Apartment, I Got A New Phone And I Dont Have Internet Access On my Laptop. Keep Up With Me On Twitter, Search For Alekmiller.

The Art Of Boredom. I’m bad at it.

Well, today is my day off. So far I have done absolutely nothing with it. I haven’t brushed my hair, I ate Top Ramen, and I have played around on the internet. Sounds great. Only the strange thing is that I find myself dealing with a load of guilt. I suspect it is from twelve years of constant assignments looming in the back of my mind anytime I try to sit back. I always knew school was bad for my mental health…

France

Do I believe in fate?

No. Not really.

But something strange is happening. Last night I had a dream that I was in Paris. I often think that I belong there, that it is some accident that I am here in Idaho. I don’t know why, but I am absolutely in love with all things French.

Then today at work, there were these two women who were speaking French. French French too, not Canadian French, which is truly amazing because there are probably a grand total of three French people in all of Idaho and I have NEVER come across one before.

Then, roughly 6 minutes after these women left, another woman came through the line wearing a Paris Tee-Shirt.

Dream…French Women…tee shirt… All in one day.

Yes, I know it’s wishful thinking that these are signs that I will soon be making a move. But still. I like the idea. Truthfully, I think that things like this are not “divine intervention” but just a realization of how much you care about something. I dreamed about France because I yearn for it. Those two women struck me so much because I yearn for France. I noticed that woman’s shirt because I yearn for France.

I was supposed to go there with my class during spring break this year, but that’s when the Agoraphobia got really bad. I haven’t thought about it much since then. I am taking this, not as a sign that I am going to France, but as a sign that I am recovering. Not long ago I couldn’t imagine leaving my home, and now I am dreaming about leaving the country.

I am so glad I can hope again.